Not what we were expecting...

On Thursday my dad has a series of appointments following another scan to see what the status of his cancer was following a few rounds of chemotherapy. We found out that the tumor in his lung has continued to grow despite the treatments and it has also become more prominent in his lymph nodes. The doctor decided that he is going to add an additional chemo drug once ever three weeks and my dad is going to begin radiation on the 30th of December which will be 5 days a week for six weeks.

It was disheartening to get this news. This was honestly the last thing that I expected to hear come out of the doctors mouth. The past few weeks have been so difficult for my dad and its hard to hear that it didn't work. If you have the time, please say some extra for my dad and our family. We are praying for a miracle.

Much love to you all,

Nikki

It's already Decemeber?!

I cannot believe that it is already December. Another year is gone and they are coming and going faster than ever before. The last three months have went by particularly fast as I've been student teaching in an elementary school in Moorhead, MN.

The last three months have been an incredible learning experience for me. I have grown so much and I am starting to see myself as the teacher that I hope to become. Not only has my cooperating teaching taught me many new things but my students have also had a tremendous impact on my teaching. With 27 third graders, life is never boring! Learning to keep up with everything going on in the classroom was a challenge and I can say that my 'teacher voice' has definitely developed. I feel like I just walked into the classroom for the first time yesterday. I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to my students in a week and a half but I will never forget them and everything they've taught me.

It is crazy to think that my college experience is almost over. I only have one semester left! I look back at who I was when I started college and I can't believe how much I've grown up. To think that I will hopefully have a career, no just a job, in six months makes me so nervous and excited at the same time. Going through the awful registration process for the last time, I'm definitely not going to miss that, made me so sad. I love Concordia and it's sad to think that I will no longer be a student there. Everything seems like a last right now. The last homecoming was fun but the thought that it was the last one for me was in the back of my mind throughout the festivities. Next year I will be coming back as an alumni and I already know some of the amazing friends I've made throughout my college career cont have the opportunity to make it back "home" next fall.

Here are a few pictures from homecoming in October!

Not only has school been a crazy part of my life but, as many of you know, things have been pretty intense with my family the past month. At the beginning of November, my dad was diagnosed with stage 3b non-small cell lung cancer. He has started chemotherapy and he has an appointment to meet with the doctor about radiation next month. The amount of support that we have received has been overwhelming and I can't thank my family and friends enough. We have a rough road ahead of us but we are trying to have faith.

I know that having faith has been a struggle for me. With the amount of hardship my family has faced in the past nine months with my mom having her stroke, the numerous surgeries my parents have had to endure, and now this, I've struggled with my faith. The question of, "What have we done to deserve this?" is always in the back of not only my mind, but my family's. For a while, I was really angry with God. I could have lost my mom last spring and now I'm going through a similar situation with my dad. I know that at times like this, keeping faith is important but I was truly struggling. One particularly bad day I was listening to music while I was driving and the song "Have a Little Faith in Me" by John Hiatt came on. In that moment, I felt like God was talking to me in his own way, just reminding me to have a little faith in him.

                                          "Have a Little Faith in Me"- John Hiatt

I told one of my friends about this "revelation" that I had and I was so embarrassed because it honestly felt so... cheesy. But honestly, I has helped me to accept the situation and now I'm trying to move forward about focus my energy on the present.

My family did take formal family pictures for the first time in years! They turned out great, thanks Katie! Here are just a few of the pictures Katie took:

The past few months have been so crazy for me but even though it has been tough, many great things have happened. Once again, I can't thank my mom and dad enough for all they have and continue to do for me, my sisters for being their great selves, my extended family for all their love and support, my friends for being there for me even when I'm sure it hasn't been pleasant on your part, my students and cooperating teachers, my professors for being so understanding and helpful and everyone else who have shown their love for my family. We thank you all for everything you've done and we appreciate your continued prayers for our family.

I hope everyone continues to have a blessed holiday season.

Much love to you all,
Nikki

Roller Coaster Ride

What a crazy semester it has been and I cannot believe that it's already over even though I've been on summer vacation for over a week. Over the past few months I felt like I've been on an intense roller coaster ride. There have been so many ups and downs but I definitely feel like I've become a stronger person.

It is crazy to think that I am going to be a SENIOR in college and that I only have one more year left before I officially enter the adult world. I'm so nervous for this new chapter in my life but I'm also looking forward to it. This semester was by far the most challenging since I've been at Concordia but it was also the most rewarding. I loved my five week clinical with my fifth graders. I always thought that I wanted to teach the primary grades but I truly loved fifth grade. I grew so much as a teacher and this experience verified that I chose the right profession. Even though there were many late nights and massive amounts of work, I feel truly blessed to have had this opportunity. I had the opportunity to go back to my fifth grade classroom this week to volunteer and it was so amazing to see my students again. They even talked me into coming back again. How could I say no to those sad faces?!

I will be student teaching at Ellen Hopkins Elementary in a third grade classroom this fall and I'm so excited!

The past few months have been very difficult for me since my mom had her stroke in March. She is now home and continuing therapy in Park Rapids as she continues to recover from her stroke. She is able to walk with a cane and has some movement in her left arm, mostly in her shoulder. I've had a lot of trouble dealing with this because it was so hard to face the reality that I could have lost one of my parents. Since my parents have left Fargo it has been hard not being able to see them every day. I know that my mom is happier at home but I would love to have my family closer to me, as selfish as that may be. I thank God every day that he has kept my family safe and healthy.

The past week has also been crazy as I'm in the process of moving... twice. I have already moved out of my house by Concordia and I'm living with my future roommates in their apartment before we move into our house on June 1st. I'm looking forward to living with a great group of girls for the next year!

Today I found out that I've been blessed with the opportunity to join the CCRI team this month. I am looking forward to working with three young girls who have disabilities this summer. I hope that I can be a great role model and help them in any way possible.

There has been so many amazing, and not so amazing, things that I've come to face recently. Even though I have been challenged in ways that I never thought possible, I feel like I've become a stronger person. I have learned that I am going to love being a teacher. I have learned that I need to ask for help when I need it. I feel like I have matured so much over and that I'm growing into the person that I hope to become.

Much love to all of my family and friends who have been there to support me throughout my life. I appreciate you all so much.

The Little Things

Wow, has it been a crazy few weeks! Today I finished my last class of the semester and on Friday I begin my clinical at South Elementary in West Fargo for the remainder of the semester. I'm really excited to go out into the community and spend some time doing what I love. There are going to be some crazy weeks ahead but I'm truly looking forward to it.

Lately, I've began to realize how many things we take for granted in our lives. About two weeks ago, I got the terrible news that my mom had a stroke. There are no words to describe the thoughts that begin running through your head when you receive that kind of information. I don't know if I've ever been so afraid in my  life. After a while, you start to think about all the terrible things you've said, or the things you haven't said, and you don't know if you'll ever have another chance to say "I love you" or to have a simple phone conversation again. It's terrifying.

There are so many little things that we take for granted every single day. My dad was telling my mom that he never meant to take her for granted but he has. He didn't know how much work went into doing something so simples like his laundry because his clothes always appeared washed, ironed, and hung up in his closet. Watching my mom having to learn how to stand up and walk or shrug her shoulders has opened my eyes to the fact that life is so uncertain. We never know what can happen. We have to live in the present and enjoy life. We can't leave things unsaid. We need to tell the people that we care about that we love them every single day because we don't know how much time we have left. I don't know what I would do if I never got to talk to my mom again, or my other amazing family members and friends.

As for my mom, she is currently at a rehab facility here in Fargo and is making improvements each and every day. She is doing physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy each twice a day. Even though some days are really hard and I can't even imagine what she is going through, her strength through this ordeal continues to amaze me and things can only get better from here.

Mom, this post goes out to you. I love you so much and you are doing great. I couldn't ask for a better mother and I appreciate all that you've done for me throughout my life even though I know I have been difficult at times. I know that this hasn't been easy for you but keep working hard. Even though you are getting homesick and some days aren't as easy as others, but you've got to keep going! Keep kicking butt and you will get there. Love you!

Also that you to all of my family and friends. I can't even begin to thank you all for your support throughout the past few weeks and thank you for everything you've done for my family. We appreciate it more than you know. Keep the prayers coming!

"Little things seem like nothing, but they give peace, like those meadow flowers which individually seem odorless but all together perfume the air."

-Georges Bernanos

I can't believe it,

Another semster has begun and I can already tell it's going to be the hardest one yet :( Even though it's going to be very difficult, I can already tell that it's going to be the most rewarding one thus far. I can already feel myself growing into the teacher that I hope to become which I'd very exciting! I'm going to be lucky enough to spend 5 weeks in a classroom full time which is going to be wonderful. I'm looking forward to reaching that point in the semester and it can't come fast enough!

I also decided to student teach next fall instead of the spring and it's hard to believe that this time next year I'll ready be done with that and only have 2 more classes to take. It's nerve racking how fast time is flying by but I'm so excited for what he future has in store for me.... As long as I can stay warm this next week!

2012

This past year has been another great one for me. So much continues to change in my life and I continue to grow as a student, a friend, a sister, a daughter, and a person. I am looking forward to the many great things that are coming my way within the first at future and I hope to do great things.

2012 marked the halfway point in my journey to obtain my bachelor's degree at Concordia. I have grown so much as a student in the past year and it has been so wonderful to take education classes and have the opportunity to be in the classroom. I look forward to learning more and transforming into the teacher that I hope to become.

I turned 20 and am no longer a teenager which is very weird. I continue to grow older and mature as a person. Days go by so fast and I continue to enjoy my college days.

So many friendships have grown in the past year and I'm so thankful for the new friends I have made, the old friendships that have rekindled, and my friendships that have continued to grow. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life and am thankful for them every day.

I am also thankful for my amazing parents. They have done so much for me throughout my life and in this past year. My appreciation for them has increased significantly and I miss them every day. I don't know what I'd do without them. Love you guys!

In the past year, I've began to realize what is and isn't important in my life and I can't wait to see what 2013 has in store for me. I has so many aspirations and I continue to cross many goals off my list. I am so thankful for all that I have and all that I have to grow.